This past week, I watched Bishop T. D. Jakes of The Potter House, give an excellent sermon with many lessons. The sermon, entitled, ‘I HAVE PERMISSION’, was powerful and it spoke volumes to me in this season of my life.
The sermon sparked plenty, but “falling and failing, are two words that stuck in my head. When I visualize these words, I think of the many times I felt I have failed myself and GOD-how many times I’ve fallen and “DIDN’T” feel-I COULD GET BACK UP AGAIN. I think about how each time made me weak and the more I failed, the weaker I became. I was so discouraged and very disappointed in myself! NOT believing that I CAN and NOT feeling I even wanted to anymore. Life beats you down, each time you get knocked out, you lose a little. A little of your dignity, a little of your faith, and a little of yourself. So, if you are in a fight for your life, and you keep getting knocked out, WHAT DO YOU DO? In boxing there are two kinds of “knockouts”, you have a TKO, which is a technical knockout, meaning you’re down, but conscious, but deemed UNABLE TO DEFEND YOURSELF. BUT, the KO is the one that leaves you UNCONSCIOUS, unable to THINK or FEEL anything at that moment. (I know this one all too well!!)
I was knocked out, and I have been physically and mentally unconscious, a feeling of deadness. How many feel that they have failed or are failing at life? If you’re living you have experienced both or will soon experience both, whether it is a one-time thing or a constant thing you’ll experience them. BUT did you know it is OK to fail? Did you know, it’s not about the process that brought you to the fight, but the fight itself… it’s not how you fight as long as you fight? No, I’m not saying to do anything stupid, because that never works!! The most valuable things don’t come by mistreating or misusing others: the reward is far greater when you get it honestly. It is far greater when you work for it, so even if it takes you some time to steady yourself, you still “GET BACK UP”. DON’T LET THAT FALL KEEP YOU DOWN, DON’T LET THAT LOSS KEEP YOU DISCOURAGED, DON’T LET THAT JOB KEEP YOU WORRIED. GET UP, “YOU HAVE PERMISSION.”
Amazed, as I look back on my life and think lordy, I’ve had a life full of knockouts, and all but a few left me unconscious. I have felt lost, alone, and confused, but I kept getting back up SOMEHOW, BECAUSE I’M YET HERE. Sometimes quick and sometimes it took me time, BUT THAT WAS OK, if it takes you time; then take the time to regroup and gather your thoughts. Allow yourself time to heal, allow yourself time to embrace your TRUTH. Allow yourself TIME, to hear God’s voice: so MANY times, I had given up on me, BUT MY GOD, HOW HE LOVED ME, and wouldn’t let go. I think of how JESUS ROSE, HOW HE WENT TO THAT CROSS AND DIED FOR ME AND YOU. HOW HE ALREADY SACRIFICED HIS LIFE FOR US TO HAVE A CHANCE IN THIS LIFE. I think about how careless I was and how I went from suicidal attempts to an abusive and careless marriage. I can’t count how many times I’ve been, unconscious in this world of the living and how SUFFOCATING it was and could be! You spend your life, just trying to breathe, just trying to get up out the bed. You spend your days, thinking how I am going to do this yet again: I’ have failed my family, I’ve failed myself, and others around me, How Can I, when I thought I had nothing to live for. (Yes, even with kids, I had no fight left in me, so “I” thought) I was TIRED, (so I thought).
But somehow, I managed to get up, not knowing at the time it was ALL DUE TO GOD!! See, you don’t have to do it alone, because HELP IS HERE: you just have to ACCEPT IT! You have to BELIEVE that you are WORTH IT and no matter what it looks like or seems like, YOU- YES, YOU ARE LOVED!! AND NO, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. GOD GAVE US THE GREATEST GIFT; HE GAVE US HIS RESOURCES TO THIS LIFE.
AND, IF YOU THINK YOU CAN’T DO IT, I’M A WITNESS YOU CAN. I’VE BEEN BEAT, I’VE HAD GUNS TO MY HEAD AND KNIVES TO MY THROAT; I ALMOST LOST MY LIFE HAVING MY YOUNGEST, I DIED ON THAT TABLE; BUT HEAR ME, SIS & BRO… WHEN I SAY GOD IS AMAZING-HE IS REAL. HE KEPT ME WHEN I SHOULD HAVE BEEN DEAD! HE KEPT ME WHEN THE PILLS I TOOK AT 11 YRS. OLD WAS SUPPOSED TO KILL ME, BUT HE KEPT ME! HE KEPT ME WHEN MY EX WAS SUPPOSED TO SLICE MY THROAT BUT GOD KEPT ME, HE KEPT ME WHEN MY SICKNESS WAS SUPPOSED TO DISABLE ME AND KILL ME, I WENT FROM EATING FULL-COURSE MEALS TO EATING A SPOON FULL OF SOUP AND WATER: WENT FROM BARELY WALKING TO NOT WALKING…BUT GOD! I’M WALKING AGAIN, SO PLEASE HEAR ME WHEN I SAY, YOU ARE NOT ALONE, YOU ARE NOT DONE AND, YOU YET HAVE A FIGHT IN YOU AND YET HAVE A LIFE TO LIVE!!
How many times, I had lost FAITH, how many times, I questioned GOD. Asking Lord, how can one bare so much PAIN, so much HURT? THEN, MY GOD, THEN HE reminded me, that if I think this is PAIN, if I think this is misery, then I am lost.
“DID YOU, MY CHILD FORGET THAT I GAVE UP MY SON, THAT I ALLOWED THEM TO NAIL HIM TO THE CROSS? A THORN CROWN AND BLOODY NAILS, THEY STONED HIM, BEAT HIM, DRAGGED HIM, MISTREATED HIM, KILLED HIM!! BUT OH, MY PRECIOUS CHILD, I LOVE YOU, AND THIS IS WHY HE ROSE!! SO THAT YOU MAY HAVE LIFE.
“YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION TO RISE UP, FIGHT, AND CLAIM YOUR LIFE BACK”
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